Inspire / Life

How Being the “Bigger Person” Can Set You Free

One time, I found myself having to take every ounce of my patience I had and bit my tongue. I was about to enter into a silly debate over a trending issue on social media, but I opted to stand down. It’s not because I had a weak argument or I lost my strong voice. It’s actually because I chose to be the “bigger person”.

What did that mean for me at the time?

It meant I had to choose my own peace of mind instead of giving a rebuttal that could have stressed me out and distance my colleagues whom I had a healthy relationship with before that issue resurfaced from the depths of the web.

I chose my peace-loving self over my ego. And it was a freeing experience.

But imagine if I truly made a big deal out of it and I didn’t let it past me, what could have happened?

I would have resisted and resisted, until I carried the heavy weight of resistance in my heart for a very long time.

When you keep on resisting, you can block the good stuff from coming in. The experience, as well as your unwillingness to forgive becomes the anchor that drags you from behind.

Constantly banging the drum of rightness all the time to prove someone else is wrong doesn’t change anything, even the other person’s behaviour. You might feel superior at first, but you know deep inside you are stuck into feeling miserable due to the experience, regardless of how right you are.

I surrendered my corner of rightness completely. That doesn’t make the other person’s belief any less wrong. If they are wrong, they are wrong. If they are right, then they are right. At least, the person I have more control over is myself. All of us can have control over how we respond to what is happening around us.

Thus, I chose to be kind over being right.

I may not be the “winner”, but at least I was happy.

It’s about shifting your focus into the things that make you feel right and good, energised and free.

Of course, this isn’t to say that you just have to agree with everything. It still remains important that you learn how to properly communicate yourself and share your point of view. You can disagree without being disagreeable.

It’s all about compromising and choosing your battles so you no longer feel miserable about a situation.

You can save more time and avoid expending negative energy when you remove yourself from petty arguments and conflicts. Just walk away. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or scared, it just means the situation isn’t important enough to waste your time and energy on.

Don’t sweat the small stuff.

There are goals worthy of pursuing, and there are those worthy of abandoning.

Accept that you don’t get things your way all the time. Not everyone is out there wanting to please you. So be a little bit more forgiving.

As soon as you realise that you’re exasperated from trying to convince a person about your position, stop engaging. Whatever you say or do next, you still can’t control the uncontrollable- be it their opinion or behaviour.

What you need to do instead is to deal with your end of things regardless.

And that’s going up the path that makes you pick peace over being right.

The essence of being the bigger person is to not allow the negativity of a situation bring you down and hamper with your own happiness and peace.

It’s you, your inherent self, that is in command of you.

Now it’s your turn to imagine how your life would be if you give yourself the ‘gift’ of forgiving.



About Author

A writer by day, reader, diaper-changer, monster slayer at night. She's the wife of a rock star wedding photographer and the mother of Prym, the unicorn rider. She loathes writing in the third person and terribly misses the taste of coffee in her mouth.

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